To Ella, on her first birthday.

Dear Ella,

One year ago, in a very large city (that may not be very large for China!), you were born.  I don't know what time, or where, or to whom.  But I know you were born.  I know you weighed about 6 lbs 12 oz and were 18 inches long.  I know that for an unknown reason, your birth parents weren't able to take you home and raise you, and I know that will be something you will have to come to terms with in your own way and in your own time.  I wish it wasn't so.  I am so thankful you'll be mine, but I wish we lived in a world where adoption wasn't necessary, because it's always built on loss and I hate that you've lost anything.  

Today, you were surrounded by people who love you, who have watched you grow and flourish for the last twelve months.  By the medical paperwork I have, which may or may not be comprehensive, in 12 months you've had at least three surgeries and probably dozens of other tests and procedures.  But you are thriving and I am so thankful.  Judging by your pictures and videos you look very healthy and are very smart.  

I hope it goes without saying that I wish I was with you today.  I'm not sad for you - you are fine!  I know you're happy and well loved and are with the only people you've ever known.  It is just an odd feeling knowing you are out there, turning ONE, and I am not there to light your candle and sing happy birthday to you.  (Don't worry - I did celebrate and you even got gifts!  More to come on that.) I laid in bed Sunday morning calculating, and even if it takes six months to get my dossier to China and six months to travel, I should still have you by your second birthday - even if we spend your second birthday together in China (that could be fun, but I will try not to take that long).  

Tonight I ate a treat in your honor and shipped your first care package.  I am hoping it gets to you by Christmas.  It's not exactly the first birthday party you would have if you were here, but I am guessing you are having a fun day where you are!  And I am hoping that next year's birthday will be doubly fun.  

Happy birthday, little one.  

Love,

Mommy